Dear Aunt Jane
by LlamasRule17
Summary: Jane answers ure Twilight questions.  My good firend DucksRule71821 inspired me with this!
1. Jane's Q & A

**I'd like to thank my good friend off and on the computer, DucksRule71821 for helping me with my story. THANK YOU!!!!!**

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Dear Aunt Jane,

Can vampires fly?

-Curious

Dear Curious,

Do I look like a bird to you?!? Wait… don't answer that…

NEXT QUESTION!!!! CHOP, CHOP, NEWSPAPER PEOPLE!!!!!

Dear Aunt Jane,

What is with you and torturing people?! Why do you like it so much?

-Perplexed & Disgusted

Dear Perplexed & Disgusted,

You hurt my feelings! Volturi minions have feelings, too, you know! Besides, whoever said I like torturing people? shifty eyes Hmph, I'll go ask Aro…

(talking to Aro)

Jane: Hey, Aro? Why do I like torturing random people so much?

Aro: Oh, Jan, that's not true! As I always say, make cupcakes, not war! Goodbye now, I'm taking a nap… (Aro walks off)

Jane: Um, Aro? You can't….. Never mind…

(back to letter)

That was totally pointless… Anyways, there you have it! I don't actually like torturing people (or do I?) I'm (apparently) just acting! HAHA, Angelina Jolie, you don't stand a chance against my skillage! Hmm… I wonder if they have an Oscar for "Best Supporting Vampire"……….

-Jane

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Please give me reviews with relevant questions! ALSO: more chapters written up on paper, but I have g2g NOW, so I'll post 'em Monday night, K: D 


	2. NOTE

Hey everyone—

I can't find my drive, so don't expect any more chapters for a while… SORRY!!!!!!!!!

-LlamsRule17

PS until then, please feel free to write reviews with questions for Jane!!!

PPS Since I can't post them yet, I'll give you all the names of the

New chapters:

-Vampire Llamas

and

-Secret Gnome Society


	3. Vampire Llamas

Here it is, the long awaited new chapter : D don't forget, I need reviews with questions!!!!

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Dear Aunt Jane,

Can you make vampire pets? If so, could you make a llama vampire, or would you have to do something stronger, like a grizzly bear?

-Lover of Llamas

Dear Llama Lover (the other way is to long!)

How would I know? I'm not the source of all wisdom! HMPH!!! Since you're so bent on asking, I'll talk to Cauis. He's a big animal lover you know!

(Talking to Cauis)

Jane: Um, Cauis? Can I talk to you?

Cauis: What the heck do you want?!?

Jane: UMMM… One of my readers wants to know the details about vampire pets…(thanks a lot !!)

Cauis: I see….. Walk in, and welcome to my zoo of vampire animals!

(walls lined with adorable versions of tons of animals)  
Jane: Whoa…

Cauis: As you see, you can make any animal into a vampire! FIDO! (vampire dog strolls up)

Jane: AWWW!!! ahem… I mean, what is that?!

Cauis: So you see… (Cauis rambles scientifically on… and on… and on…)

TIME TICKS BY

Jane: (interrupts Cauis, who is holding a mouse named Frank and explaining venom travel) What's that?!?!?!?!?!? (points towards llama in cage)

Cauis: Ah, my pride and joy!! Edgar, the newbie llama! (Jane reaches out to pet Edgar) Be careful... he's extremely…

(llama breaks out of cage)

Jane: (running around) AHHHHHH! He's attacking my ear!!! DUDE!!! MY EAR IS NOT A CHEW TOY!!!!!!!

Cauis: Volatile…

(back to letter)

So, llama lover, yes you can make vampire llamas. I'd be careful if I was you though… When their still new, they're kinda….. winces….. ravenous….. Outta my way, I gotta run to the medicine cabinet!!! INJURED FEMALE VAMPIRE COMING THROUGH! MOVE IT… I NEED BAND AIDS!!!!!!

-Jane

PS Owwwwwwwwww


	4. The Secret Gnome Society

Hi once more!!!!! Here it is: the other long-awaited chapter, THE SECRET GNOME SOCIETY

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Dear Aunt Jane,

Are you secretly a gnome?

-Gnome Lover

Dear Gnome Lover,

What I is with all the "love" and "lover?" It's enough to make any bloodthirsty vampire sick! Wait—I'm secretly a gnome?!?! COOLIO!!!! I must go outside and fulfill my gnome-y destiny! Just call me "The Hooded Gnome!" Wait, what about "Emo Gnome?!" Anyone got a razor blade…?

1 hour later

I'm standing on the lawn of Volterra, cloak in tow, fulfilling my secret life! scary music Only downside is, whenever someone walks past me and my awesome-ical red-pointy-hat gnomeness, they fall to the ground writhing as if in pain. Huh, wonder why that is? Are they such wimps that they can't stand the sight of a vampire gnome? HA! I laugh at you puny humans!!! By the way, anyone got a lunch date? I'm thirsty… ; ) Hey, look! Here comes Aro! Boy, does he look pissed… Wonder why???

-Jane

P.S. Aro just told me that I'm not secretly a gnome!!! sob!!! 


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